Embracing Neutrality

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If I had to explain myself in two words, they would be: extreme feeler (this isn’t creepy, I promise.) In fact, it’s one of the things my friends always point out to me. On surface level, when you first meet me, you’d never ever think there is a giant pile of ALL THE FEELINGS inside. I think Laurel once said, “outside you present as so cool, but inside you’re just this little ball of mush” and it’s true. I am an extreme feeler.

I used to not think this about myself, because I am so good at masking my emotions. I used to think I was rather stoic. HA.

I have come to accept and even love my sensitivity. I embrace my emotions as they are every bit of part of me as my sense of humour.

The truth is: I feel deeply, all the time, about a number of things. Like right now, I am worried about the world, worried about the neighbourhood cat that’s missing, excited to curl up and read my book, wishing I lived right next door to a lake, hoping for a storm, yearning for a second season of The Great, ignoring the pain in my wrist..etc. And all these emotions carry the same weight on my mind. I turn them over and over again revisiting the same sentences, the same stories, until something else pops up.

If I am too happy or too sad (or really too anything), I immediately cry. The other night, I teared up at a Charmin commercial (then immediately laughed at my ridiculousness.) I have come to accept and even love my sensitivity. I embrace my emotions as they are every bit of part of me as my sense of humour.

But it takes work. One of the things I have had to learn is to stop taking everything to the extreme. For instance, let’s say I had a bad moment at work (not even a bad day), just a rough patch, my old self would immediately tense up. Does that mean I hate my job? If I hate my job, does that mean I am on the wrong path in life? If I am on the wrong path, does that mean I have failed?

I was so invested in my emotions, what I was feeling and why, that I would find myself drowning in analysis. I’ve learned that sometimes, I just feel sad because I feel sad. There isn’t a reason and there doesn’t need to be. And most importantly, feeling sadness is not failure.

Laurel and I were talking about positivity a few days ago and we both were sharing our thoughts on it. I love positivity and I feel like it can be a very powerful tool. I feel like sometimes, I just need to shift my perspective and think about a thing differently and immediately, I feel better. I do believe that an obstacle can be an opportunity. But I also think that there is a time and place for that kind of thinking. Sometimes, an obstacle is just an obstacle. Sometimes acknowledging the suck and the struggle is what is needed to move on from it.

The sweet spot is the days where you just live and for a second, you forget about your existence and what it means.

I no longer think about my life as being on a path (goodbye 5 year plan), but instead I think of this very moment, this one I am in right now. I ask myself:

Do I feel safe?

Do I love?

Do I feel loved?

Sure, I have goals and I work towards them, but I do so knowing I am enjoying them in that moment. I love to organize and plan and have a set routine, but I do so knowing it gives me stability and focus. If I fail, so what. I’ve given up on over analyzing my life path. I am just on this road to live it. And if I am in a particularly rough moment? I realize the feeling passes, like every feeling before it. I plan trips and look forward to things, obviously, but when it comes to my feelings, I have stopped asking myself why all the time. There are times when a “why” is necessary, but more often than not, it is not a helpful exercise. It’s not perfect, by any means, but it allows me to just accept that there are days that you just drag and sour and to do so is just as human as to smile is. My goal in life is to live neutrally, with more okay days than bad. When the bad days come, they pass, just like the amazing days do. The sweet spot is the days where you just live and for a second, you forget about your existence and what it means.

I’ve learned that life isn’t about always being happy or even striving for happiness, it’s okay to just be okay. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s wonderful to be happy. The most important thing is TO BE.

How do you feel about positivity? We’d love to hear your thoughts! There are no right or wrong answers here.

The Monk of Mokha

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I remember the first time I had coffee. I was 16 and in charge of making my father’s morning cup (in exchange for him driving me to school.) My Dad’s coffee is not what one would consider a typical blend. In fact, it took me years to rewire my brain when making coffee as an intern. See my Dad loves strong coffee, but not just average strong, but let’s just say if he could pour the grinds directly into water, I am sure he would. I came to understand later that that is unusual. Not everyone likes their morning cup to blow their head right off. Who knew?

So my first cup of coffee was not great, but man the after effects were amazing. Energy! Focus! It became my fuel well into adulthood. To this day, there is nothing I love more than a good oat milk cappuccino.

I was excited when I saw that Dave Eggers, one of my all time favourite writers, was writing a book that centered on coffee. The Monk of Mokha was an excellent read that transported me into the world of coffee imports.

This was a really great true story of a young Yemeni American and the power of passion. I find myself spouting random coffee facts each morning to an unwilling audience.

Did you know coffee is a fruit?

Do you know where the term Java comes from?

Do you know that there is two ways to process coffee beans? Wet and Dry.

Do you know what a Q Grader is?

and on and on and on.

I will read anything (I mean ANYTHING) that Dave Eggers writes. His ability to take real life stories and present them through powerful narratives that inspire hope is unmatched, in my opinion. His sentence structure, spontaneity, and experimentalism always amaze me.

This is a great character study and a story of unyielding passion. It’s a story about taking charge of the direction of your life and the complexity of sustainable and fair trade coffee. It’s one of those stories that I am glad I read and will impact my choice of coffee going forward even more.

What’s in my fridge: Social Distancing edition

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First things first, my diet mainly consists of bowls. What do I mean by that? If you take a look at our Instagram, you will see that I rarely ever eat off a plate. I am a bowl person. I never noticed this until I started documenting it for Instagram, but my guess would be it’s because of how I plan my meals.

When I am thinking about what to cook, I usually plan my meals like this: a whole grain/carb, at least one or two vegetables, a protein, and a sauce/dressing to tie it all together. And that’s it. I do this every single day. This bomb burrito bowl is a perfect example:

I am a big fan of intuitive eating and rarely find myself sticking to a meal plan. If I am craving something – like sweet potatoes – then I won’t enjoy anything else. That being said, I like a well-stocked kitchen because come dinner time, I need options.

So that brings me to the post topic for today: what’s in my fridge. I want to mention up front that there’s a lot more plastic than I usually have because we are currently getting our groceries delivered. I usually try to limit plastic as much as I can and am still trying to! But with this current climate, it’s been more of a challenge. If you have any tips, I’d love to hear them! Also this is very much what my fridge looks like, no insta aesthetic here, just a very real look at what food we like to stock up on weekly.

Top shelf: This is where we keep our plant-based milks. We usually have an oatmilk and a soy milk. We love oat milk in our coffee and soy in our smoothies (and for making amazing vegannaise!) Then I like to always have some fruit on hand for easy access. We had berries, but I ate them all, so in this bowl are apples, plums, and some ginger. My boyfriend always eats yogurt and granola for breakfast – every single day – so we always have yogurt on hand. In the back, we keep pure maple syrup from Quebec and a big jar of homemade veggie stock.

Middle shelf: I always keep my nuts and seeds in the fridge because our apartment tends to be on the warmer side. I always buy my nuts and seeds in bulk (it’s cheaper, but don’t get me wrong, they are still expensive!) I always have plenty of seeds on hand: pepita (pumpkin), sunflower, and sesame. And I mix up the nuts depending on the price/what we feel like: walnuts, almonds, hazelnuts, and cashews. I always try to have a little bit of cashews on hand to make creamy sauces. I also have dried dates for a little sweet hit and some black sesame seeds on this shelf. Not in the fridge: hemp, flax, and chia seeds are stored on our windowsill (not in direct sunlight) because we go through them quickly.

One of my favourite hacks is how I store my lettuce. As you can see here, we have a giant tub full of greens. After grocery shopping (or in this case, when we get our delivery) I take the time to wash, dry, and cut my lettuce storing it in this tub so it’s ready to use. I love romaine, green leaf, and red leaf lettuce in particular and always have a variation of the three. I find the weeks when I store the lettuce this way, we eat way more salads than not. Also here is a bag of spinach for green smoothies.

Bottom shelf: some tofu, cucumber (again, the plastic makes me sad), mushrooms, homemade pickles, homemade pickled red onion, and nut butters – usually peanut and/or almond. I think way in the back are some cheeses – mozzarella, vegan mozzarella, parmesan, and some salami for my boyfriend’s homemade pizzas.

In the drawers: cut up celery, carrots, and broccoli (again another prep method that I highly recommend), some fennel, and zucchini. The other drawer has a big bag of kale, bell peppers, and citrus. We eat lemon and limes almost daily and always try to keep them on hand.

Not pictured: on the door we have some condiments: Ssamjang sauce, some miso, hot sauce, agave, soya sauce, some ketchup, and we also keep fresh herbs wrapped in a wet cloth on the door. Also yeast and some of our vitamins are stored here.

That’s it! We have a ton of pantry staples that we eat frequently too: homemade granola, oats, bean pasta, etc. My freezer is also stocked with berries, some veggie meats, and more greens. We also always have potatoes (both sweet and regular), onions, and garlic.

I hope you found this helpful! We plan to share some delicious recipes in the future in this space as well more food tips and pantry tours. We love food. We love to eat it, talk about, and can’t wait to share it with you!

5 ways to incorporate movement in quarantine

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Disclaimer up front: These suggestions are only if you are feeling inspired to move. If this post is triggering to you in anyway, please know you are beautiful, you are trying your best, and you are enough.

One of the most surprising things for me during this quarantine period has been how much I have missed the gym. Up until my early twenties, I was not a fit person. In fact, past me would NEVER believe that the words “I miss the gym” would come out of my mouth. Working out was never fun for me. It was punishment. It was guilt-ridden. I always felt like I was never enough, never doing enough. There were cycles of trying new things and failing. I would have never been caught dead in a gym as it was always a scary place. Then I did some hardcore work and reframed my thinking about it (after getting thoroughly addicted to running.) I stopped thinking about it as EXERCISE and started thinking about it as MOVEMENT.

See EXERCISE is good, great actually. It’s really important, but it also is a triggering term. It evokes images of plans, programs, diets, and bodies that are entirely unachievable for some people. MOVEMENT can mean anything. It can look like anything and evolves day to day. Some days movement is squatting your personal best, other days it’s a quick 20 minute walk around the block to clear your head. Some days it’s not even leaving the apartment, but cleaning out your closet (more on that later).

Movement is something I strive for daily. It’s how Laurel and I talk about our active lifestyles. We believe in moving to feel good, whatever that means for you in the moment you are in. No guilt.

So that being said, here are some tips I have been following during this time to incorporate movement into my life at home:

  1. Act as if you are still commuting

For some of us, our commute served as a key part of our daily movement. I used to walk at least twice a day and from the subway stop. This was such a great and easy way to get in two 20+ minute walks without even thinking. I know I was going to feel this loss immediately when we started to work from home, so now I treat the beginning and end of the day like I am still going to commute to work. Before I sit down to start my day, I go for a quick 20 minute walk around the block (practicing safe distancing, of course). At the end of my work day, I do the same before I start cooking. It’s a really nice way to break up the work day.

2. Invest in a foam roller

I don’t know about you, but I have traded in my work office for a shotty glass table that is far from comfortable to work on. I had purchased a foam roller years ago when I was in physiotherapy and it’s the best end of day activity. For just 5 minutes, I treat myself to a little roll and feel all the tension in my muscles melt away. It’s really nice to just breathe and focus on my body for even a few minutes. I never ever regret taking this time for myself. Not sure what exercises to do? Here’s a really nice breakdown of some rolling techniques to try.

This is me, loving up on my foam roller. Disclaimer: this is not a foam rolling exercise

3. Daily Plank Challenge

Planking is one of those exercises that I hate to love. On one hand, they are hard and uncomfortable. On the other, I know it’s working wonders on muscles that I need to strengthen (hello back, abs, shoulders, stabilizers, everywhere.) I always try to incorporate them in my regular gym routine, but regular and routine are both words that don’t exist right now. So instead, I am trying to plank everyday for as long as I can until I fail. It requires nothing from me, but getting down on the ground and holding it for as long as I can. I don’t have to change, I don’t need to roll out mats or do the mental gymnastics normally needed to work out. Usually I try it out right after my workout for the day, but if not, it’s usually on a random work break.

4. Garden, organize, or clean!

Again, this is about movement and not feeling the guilt that can be associated with working out. The best way to move? By doing something productive! Now I don’t have a garden (oh how I wish), but I have a closet that is in constant need of organizing. And I have books, hundreds of them actually, that need a good thorough tidy. And I have laundry that needs to be done, and a pantry that could do with organizing… and the list could go on. I honestly feel like house work, chores, garden work, playing with kids, all count as daily movement. Next time you feel guilty, think about all the work you’ve likely done to move your body in a day. You’re doing your damn best!

5. Find a fitness challenge that inspires you

Whether it’s a 30 day yoga challenge, a daily walk for an hour, or something more intense, find something that inspires you to MOVE. For me, I have been doing a fitness program from a book that’s all bodyweight/circuit training. I love it because it leaves me huffing on the floor and has been a great substitute for the gym. But it’s not going to look like that for everyone. And it doesn’t look like that for me everyday. In fact, the goal of movement shouldn’t be calories burned or exhausting yourself. It should be to get out of your head and into your body. It’s about showing yourself some love and expending some energy.

What’s your favourite way to move daily? We’d love to hear from you in the comments!