A few years ago, I read that at the end of our lives everyone wants to be remembered for the person they were, not the titles they had. We want to build a life where our eulogy virtues are expansive and true, and yet we spend our days concerned with boosting our resumes.

We climb the ladder we’ve been told leads to happiness, while kicking the tires of the thing that sets our soul on fire.

For me, it didn’t happen all at once. It was slow — listening to the people around me with Senior or Director in their title, conflating the time they spent on the job with wisdom.

I listened while they instructed me that my softness was something to strip away, and I believed the stories they spun of success and growth. Because I thought they came with a guidebook, a map of well-worn trails and experience-filled understanding. I assumed that when they spoke, the words were wisdom-dipped — ready for my dissecting, learning, and absorbing. 

I declined M’s call to tell me about his day while I sent one more email to a stranger. I showed up 30-minutes late to my sister’s birthday dinner, and logged-in five minutes early to a Skype meeting with my boss. I convinced myself that I was too busy to respond to my mom’s text, while I woke up early to check one more thing off my to-do list. 

I was told that this is strength and what it takes to get ahead — prioritize the resume over the relationships. 

But in my unlearning I am understanding the opposite.

Those same people are fully-flawed and equally filled with misunderstanding. They’re no more knowledgeable, they’ve simply seen more sunrises. 

For the handful, this means they come with wisdom. For the all-too-many, the sunsets collected were nothing more than checks on one great to-do list. And the thing I have learned from the many is that they’ve all taught me one thing — don’t collect roles and responsibilities. Don’t assume years alone equal wisdom. 

Explore. Dive in. Be wrong. Try again. Breathe. Be fierce and be true. 

So now I FaceTime M without the distraction of another device. I go on walks with Luna and keep my phone in my bag. I am looking for a new job that has a mission I believe in at its core while allowing me the time to build a full life upon its foundation. I don’t show up late for my sister, and I make meals that make me happy regardless of the time they take. 

People ask me about next steps and when I think I’ll be ready to start something new, and for now I just respond with a smile and say I am focusing on the reset and unlearning. 

And now I am off to make apple, parsnip, and Brie soup! 

Talk soon, 

L

Xo

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